The way this specific issue is dealt with first depends on cultural, ideological, historical, social and other factors. Our roles as women may vary according to place, time and other living conditions. Another consideration is that “roles” need to be “played”. Aren’t we often forced to play a role to adapt to specific social requests or stereotypes that usually do not correspond to what we really are? These roles become then a matter of “status” which doesn’t really fit us, and therefore we don’t play it well. And then, problems arise…
To find this Balance, I would first suggest finding out the position each of us is willing to have in the family as a woman, a mother and a person. Once this inner research is launched, and we realize the patterns that best correspond to our desires, we don’t need to play any role depending on which hat we have on (mother or companion). And, it’s only then that our relationships will grow smoothly and pleasantly in an honest, respectful, loving, caring and warm environment.
It is necessary to know and understand what keeps us in a relationship and, makes us want to have a child with our companion. How do we perceive the family, and what are the rules of the game we are ready to play? By defining our expectations and the perception we have of a “perfect” family and identifying how our family life enhances our happiness, wellbeing and life satisfaction, we create a ripple effect of pleasant and unique family relationships.
1. Manage your time in an efficient way
Precisely as with your work, you should thoughtfully distribute your personal time and use your organizational skills. Always automate and delegate tasks. Otherwise, you feel that you are continuously in a rush as if a tiger is chasing you! First, think about what your priorities are based on your intentions and your objectives. Then, calculate the time you need for each project and try not to deviate from your planning. On Sunday evenings, I suggest spending 20′ to plan in detail your week and writing down all your daily projects on your calendar (avoid using a to-do list). Start with the urgent ones then the non-negotiable and the “lighter” ones at the end. Always count large and don’t try to fill in your days.
2. Never neglect your self-care
Don’t forget to schedule the time you need for yourself. Whatever that is. It can be fitness, the hairdresser, a massage, lunch with your friend. The time you will allocate to your wellness should fit in the “non-negotiable” activities and written in your calendar. Otherwise, you will continuously have the impression to take care of the others, and this will slowly create immense pressure on yourself and, in the end, you will start putting the blame on the others for anything bad happening in your life. Even if you feel you want to devote all your time to your companion or your kid out of generosity or beyond the call of duty, don’t. First, keep time for yourself and, then only, for the others. Whatever makes you happy is a priority. This might sound selfish, but it’s not. It’s the only way for a family to work out well. For a woman -mother or companion- to offer her better self, she first needs to feel well with herself and, hence, to dedicate self-care time and never feel guilty for it.
3. Nurture your relationship with your companion
Don’t forget you are a first a woman and that your companion fell in love with you before your child was born. Don’t ruin the magic of the times you first met and never neglect the precious and quality time with your other half. Don’t destroy the dream and have time alone with him regularly. During these moments, be only the two of you and leave behind whatever preoccupies you or diverts your attention. Try to use your imagination and embellish the activities you have chosen. Spend some time to think with your companion about what is mutually pleasant and go out there and experiment using your imagination. It can be a dance lesson, an excursion to have a picnic, a meditation session. Plan this quality time once a week and see it as an opportunity to get closer. Of course, don’t forget your sexuality and tenderness one to the other … this also needs imagination and sometimes even a conscious effort. It is also crucial for the children to understand that mummy and daddy love each other and that their relationship is alive and genuine.
4. Insist on the role of the father
Talk to your child about the importance and the distinctness of the father’s role in the family. Orientate your child to respect his/her father and the efforts made by him to keep the family’s Balance. The child (girl or boy) should admire both the mother and the father for good reasons. Encourage your companion towards this spirit and let some space for the father/child relation flourish.
5. Keep a professional activity and keep your interests alive
Don’t leave your work or find another work that can better fit your life’s requirements, maybe by fleshing out your knowledge in an area you always wanted to dig. Keep your mind alive and develop your strengths. Take an art class if this is your thing or create a new skill that could be closer to who you are. By doing so, your companion and your surrounding will continue to admire you, and you will improve your self-confidence and self-esteem and increase your belief in your strengths and virtues.
To sum up, the Balance of the roles you are called to “play” depends on the choices you make and the priorities you have put in. The arrival of a child often creates turbulences to ourselves and with our companion. To maintain a Balance in the family’s relationships, it is necessary to first find an inner Balance and sense of quietness and sources of inspiration. This quietness will have a beneficiary impact on the rest of the family and is vital for a happy and complete family life.
This article was originally written in Greek by Isabelle Razis and published in https://positivelife.gr/evexia/proswpikh-anaptyksh/pos-mporei-na-veltiwsei-mia-gynaika-tin-isorropia-twn-rolwn-tis-san-mama-kai-suntrofou/